so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
