ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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