his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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