Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
