she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
