I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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