My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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