I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
