The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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