I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
