awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
