my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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