I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
