so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
