I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
