I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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