his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sex in a hospital.. check
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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