So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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