he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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