so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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