Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
