Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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