thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
