just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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