glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i love accidental penises.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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