distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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