You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Send help, water and tortillas.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
