Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
