First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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