Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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