Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
