She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
