Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
