We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
