My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
