This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
