you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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