i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
