Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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