How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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