Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
