Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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