If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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