Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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