You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
