just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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