last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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