if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You smell like stripper and shame
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
