I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
