When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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