Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
