how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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