Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
