six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
