id be glad to
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
