I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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