Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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