It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
