omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
