I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
