I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
