Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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