Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
