I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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