Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel