Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.