The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way Theyâ€™ve Messed With Their Daughterâ€™s Boyfriend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.