I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
