We won't sleep together?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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