then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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