I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
