i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
