I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
well you can't waste a boner
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
