C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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