haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
