This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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