dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
