he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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