we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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