It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
