The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
