cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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