Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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