you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
